Archive for ‘Thoughts’

August 21, 2012

Mendacity

by Kevin Aditya

Tell me your truth. Truth can be positioned as the basic trait of the universe, and mankind manipulates social interaction to get around it. The fact that we are out for our personal gain is undeniable. Through bending truth around with or without removing ourselves from the responsibility of telling the truth, we dominate, we manipulate, we overrule. We lie. But how can’t life be based on truth and truth only? You got so used to avoiding truth that every untruth you made has left nothing but a tiny space in your mind for a tiny sigh of relief of not denying. Not to people around you, not to your colleague, friend, or mother. The first person you keep the truth from is always yourself. No, you are not consoling others so they would feel better without knowing truth. You avoid truth because it feels good on you, not them. You divert the topic from questions you ask yourself. Is this wrong? What do you want to be? When will this end? The answers to those queries do exist, if only you had not tried to avoid them so hard. You might be hated for it, you might have to work hard, you might feel worse, but those would be the price of truth. Not answering what you would want to be might be easier than throwing every job on the wall to see what sticks, but you are not being true to yourself. Every decision made with truth for yourself and others in mind is a step towards not making yourself a worse person than you already are. Face your future. Face other people. Face yourself.

Note to self

April 30, 2012

Indolence

by Kevin Aditya

To move from a static position requires bigger effort than to simply accelerate when the object is already in motion. Bigger effort does not mean the subject have to exert huge power to kick start the motion, though. Small but steady pushes are never worthless as long as the object actually makes a budge, however small. Through the minute movements the object gains momentum and is able to roll forward with increasing pace, making any further attempts to push noticeably easier.

But sometimes you just want to sit and think. A cube is much more of a challenge to roll than a sphere, therefore you think of ways to roll it efficiently. Whether to cut the edges or use a crowbar. Whatever works, as long as you actually make a move. Thinking alone does not solve anything. Standing up and pushing does. There must be a reason Sloth is included in the 7 Deadly Sins.

But again sometimes, you don’t even think. You just stay, blossoming with joy, growing and unmoved. If you are content, then staying is always enough.

April 10, 2012

Dimensions

by Kevin Aditya

Dreams. Literal dreams, the ones you get in your sleep. Or perhaps in your half-sleep? As of lately, my dreams keep interfering with the reality, at night, in the middle of the day, anytime. The state where you drift off for no more than a few seconds, a take-off from the grounds of reality, that is when the dreams would seep in. Forming a world in where everything seems familiar, always in the desolate tone of Wong Kar-wai’s Days of Being Wild stripped of all the intricate romance, yet never linger for long enough for me to remember anything when the world slapped me back to where I was sitting. Ethereal as it might sound, sometimes what is experienced there grips reality better than reality itself: perhaps it was an embodiment of every doubt and despair that I have, amalgamated into a world inside the head that never feels too far away yet can only be found every time the self is detached from the world of senses. An internal dimension full of fear, uncertainty, and doubt without collapsing into a lifelike nightmare. Somewhere unknowingly close that is yet to be explored.

Perhaps because the days have been good enough that the negativity of life have to find other ways to pull my feet back to the ground. Perhaps because subconscious contemplation reminds me that at the very heart of self, I am always a man of doubt.

February 12, 2012

Danse macabre

by Kevin Aditya

The start of a year couldn’t be any bleaker: Death is suddenly found in more places than ever, from fatal rafting accident to untimely twentysomething heart attack to massive auto collision to the mortal end of slow illnesses. Each of them brought about tears and sorrow to those in the deepest circle of relationship to the late… and to those who are not, a contemplation on familiarity with death itself. A moment never meant to be celebrated, yet never too far around for us to forget. To the lives you have to live with one less person, to the friends you have with one less face around, I cannot empathize, yet. I thankfully still have each of my every closest people around. But it does not mean the condolences are not deep, the pain is not shared. The ones lost are never replaceable, but the ones still around are those who will help you stay and appreciate the life you live. To everyone who has lost their mothers, fathers, friends and relatives, here’s to hoping the tomorrows fulfill you with moments to soften and strengthen yourself. Yes, death is always dancing around in the corner, but in between the day you are born and the day you are gone, please love.

December 26, 2011

Reverie of the civilization

by Kevin Aditya

“I sometimes think, how is anyone ever gonna come up with a book, or a painting, or a symphony, or a sculpture that can compete with a great city. You can’t. Because you look around, and every street, every boulevard, is its own special art form.”
— Gil Pender, Midnight in Paris

It is true that Rome, or Paris, or any other picturesque cities, wasn’t built in a day. Beautiful cities are the result of carefully structured, sustainable urban living space planned with the future generations in mind, combined with the serene or vibrant culture of the society living within it. Every societal space is both a scheme and a progression.

Have you ever tried to explore the city you’re living in? The streets, parks, cafes, shops, offices, malls. Are you taking them for granted?

November 30, 2011

Deadline

by Kevin Aditya

I always make sure that I post in this blog at least once a month. By that nature, this post should be that post, which I posted to comply to the rule I made myself. This post is probably meaningless as what I write is not meant to elaborate anything in general. Cheating? Technically, no. Contextually, yes. This explains what one should avoid: to abide by the rules technically, to game the system by only doing what is demanded and not what is desired, be it devoid of its intended meaning.

“Words create lies.”

 

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