April 15, 2012

Cornflower blues

by Kevin Aditya

Somewhere back there I started losing and loathing composure. Somewhat strange to prepare for living the way it should have been lived. Somehow the place I always come back to becomes a trial to the mind and soul without ever knowing for sure where should I call home.

Fortunately, happiness helps as a getaway.

April 10, 2012

Dimensions

by Kevin Aditya

Dreams. Literal dreams, the ones you get in your sleep. Or perhaps in your half-sleep? As of lately, my dreams keep interfering with the reality, at night, in the middle of the day, anytime. The state where you drift off for no more than a few seconds, a take-off from the grounds of reality, that is when the dreams would seep in. Forming a world in where everything seems familiar, always in the desolate tone of Wong Kar-wai’s Days of Being Wild stripped of all the intricate romance, yet never linger for long enough for me to remember anything when the world slapped me back to where I was sitting. Ethereal as it might sound, sometimes what is experienced there grips reality better than reality itself: perhaps it was an embodiment of every doubt and despair that I have, amalgamated into a world inside the head that never feels too far away yet can only be found every time the self is detached from the world of senses. An internal dimension full of fear, uncertainty, and doubt without collapsing into a lifelike nightmare. Somewhere unknowingly close that is yet to be explored.

Perhaps because the days have been good enough that the negativity of life have to find other ways to pull my feet back to the ground. Perhaps because subconscious contemplation reminds me that at the very heart of self, I am always a man of doubt.

March 22, 2012

Felicity

by Kevin Aditya

Being really, really happy
is more than a simple possibility.

From the days we spend together
that we wish would last forever,
to every details of your smile
lasting more than just awhile

The talks coloring the nights
going places like a march of kites,
braced my soul to walk the days
even ones with unsure haze.

If you feel all the efforts that you have done
have been nothing but mindless phase after phase,
believe that when you finally meet one
it’s all pieces falling into place.

for Adinda Januardani.   

March 18, 2012

Mafia.

by Kevin Aditya

Sudah satu tahun.

Satu tahun sejak saya pertama diajak oleh Qinan, untuk bergabung dalam fungsionaris Liga Film Mahasiswa ITB yang dipimpin oleh Ai, sebuah tim tiga belas orang yang memegang keberlanjutan dan kemajuan LFM menjadi sebuah komunitas yang lebih baik lagi. Saat itu, saya merupakan kru yang polos dan tidak memiliki banyak pikiran (dan kerjaan). Tawaran menjadi manajer Bioskop Kampus tentunya sulit untuk ditolak, dan melalui pertimbangan singkat, bergabunglah saya dengan keduabelas orang lainnya yang tergabung dalam fungsionaris LFM 2011-2012. Tanpa pernah saya sangka, satu tahun kepengurusan ini bisa menjadi begitu berwarna. Tiga belas orang yang bersama melalui berbagai momen penuh keringat, canda tawa, dan air mata. Wisuda, syukuran wisuda, cacamarica. Ganesha Film Festival, pemutaran Bioskop Kampus, Ganesha Exhibition Programme. Berbagai nonton bareng dan Kine Study Societies. Pendidikan, pelantikan, hunting dan workshop. Syuting berbagai macam film pendek dan video lainnya. Tiga belas orang yang, bersama dengan ratusan kru lainnya, memiliki keinginan menjadikan LFM sebagai tempat yang semakin nyaman dan bermanfaat untuk kita semua. Tiga belas orang yang telah menjadi sebuah keluarga.

Apa yang telah saya lakukan selama satu tahun terakhir tidaklah mungkin tercapai tanpa semua ocehan ramai, candaan, dan pelajaran yang saya dapat dari kalian semua. Didi, si mami rempong yang paling bawel urusan duit tapi paling perhatian. Moti, yang kerjaannya paling bagus, cepet beres dan selalu bisa bagi waktu buat semua kesibukannya. Ikhsan, tukang rusak barang yang biarpun muka bengal tapi wawasan luas dan bisa membaur dengan semua. Iti, yang paling kuat, paling oke dan selalu senyum penuh hawa positif seberat apapun tantangan yang ada di depan mata. Nadia, yang selalu galau dan melankolis tapi telaten dalam bekerja. Damas, si gamer yang biang gosip dan paling tau dunia keartisan Indonesia dan Korea. Dixie, yang biarpun sering galau tapi tulisannya bagus dan saya dukung berkarir menulis (believe me!). Qinan, yang biarpun pecicilan dan ngasal tapi sebetulnya selalu merhatiin perasaan orang lain. Ijah, yang sering sakit tapi selalu sabar ngeberesin berantakannya anak-anak. Faisal, si super yang patut dicontoh soal menyelesaikan pekerjaan dengan sempurna, rinci dan menghasilkan (uang). Faba, jomblo inceran yang selalu tabah setahun dipelukin pria-pria ganjen macem Qinan dan Ikhsan. Dan yang terakhir, Ai yang selalu membimbing semuanya, mengingatkan apa yang harus kita kerjakan dan yang tidak, pemimpin yang perhatian terhadap pribadi dan kerjaan dari masing-masing fungsnya.

Kalian semua telah menjadi teladan bagi saya, yang masih terus dalam proses belajar, yang merasa bahagia telah diberi kesempatan untuk dapat bergabung dalam fungsionaris 2011-2012. Semua yang saya dapat selama satu tahun kemarin akan selalu menjadi bekal yang menjadikan saya lebih baik lagi, dalam mengembangkan diri sendiri maupun dalam berhubungan dengan orang lain. Keluarga mafia (mantan fungsionaris) 2011-2012 ini akan terus mendapatkan tempat khusus di hati, baik sekarang maupun setelah lulus nanti.

Kepada teman-teman 2009 dan 2010 saya yang sekarang telah menjadi fungsionaris baru, nikmatilah satu tahun ini yang akan menjadi sangat berarti dalam kehidupan perkuliahan kalian. 🙂

Teruslah menjadi indah, Liga Film Mahasiswa ITB!

February 12, 2012

Danse macabre

by Kevin Aditya

The start of a year couldn’t be any bleaker: Death is suddenly found in more places than ever, from fatal rafting accident to untimely twentysomething heart attack to massive auto collision to the mortal end of slow illnesses. Each of them brought about tears and sorrow to those in the deepest circle of relationship to the late… and to those who are not, a contemplation on familiarity with death itself. A moment never meant to be celebrated, yet never too far around for us to forget. To the lives you have to live with one less person, to the friends you have with one less face around, I cannot empathize, yet. I thankfully still have each of my every closest people around. But it does not mean the condolences are not deep, the pain is not shared. The ones lost are never replaceable, but the ones still around are those who will help you stay and appreciate the life you live. To everyone who has lost their mothers, fathers, friends and relatives, here’s to hoping the tomorrows fulfill you with moments to soften and strengthen yourself. Yes, death is always dancing around in the corner, but in between the day you are born and the day you are gone, please love.

January 10, 2012

Blank slates and a thousand different ways to write

by Kevin Aditya

As you are slowly struck with dementia will you realize that your whole journey up to the point where you are standing now are merely recollections of what you have done in the past. When you start to forget nouns and verbs, so are your memories of the weeks you spent on a countryside or the painful trip to the ICU become nothing but a blur and gone, as if they had never happened in the first place. Perhaps the time would come when your whole life is reduced to a single moment of your childhood, your first memory ever when you were looking through red curtains and felt pretty under the sunlight. When Alzheimer finally wins, what is the whole point of life but breathing and eating? Will it dawn on you, that your days are only as good as your previous days made you?

But it doesn’t matter if in the end you can hardly remember anything, to become a tabula rasa not worth becoming. Because you can only reason living with the moments you are making. Because yesterdays hold only as much worth as a simple tomorrow might become.

So, carry on.

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